Of Mice and Men George Milton’s Diary Essay

Dear Diary, This has been the worst day I’ve ever had and I don’t think I am gonnar have a worse one again. I had to do it. I had to shot Lennie it wasn’t anything evil. I didn’t wanna hurt Lennie. At that moment, I didn’t have any choice but to do it. He was my only friend not only friend, we were more like a family. We had been friends since when we were boys. Oh I feel so awful! I believe that Lennie didn’t do any harm. At least he never meant any. He is simple-minded. Lennie is an innocent, like as a child. I shouldn’t have left him alone. I feel so terrible. He never meant any harm. His mind is like a child. Lennie never meant to hurt people. He always gets me into terrible trouble. He’s a crazy bastard. I mean he was. Oh, I feel so awful! What will I do now? What can I do? I suppose the only thing to do is to spend my money on his dream, to make it come true. I want Lennie’s dream to come true because he died imagining the drea m. It was a Sunday afternoon. We were just having a game of horseshoes. Lennie hadn’t been with me since we startedplaying horseshoes. He was in the barn with that stupid pup, I think, I did leave him in the bunkhouse, but he ended up there. Anyway, we were all playing and I had no thought about Lennie or what he was doing. In the middle of the game, suddenly Candy was calling me over to the barn. For a second, I felt she was just resting. She was laying there, I went near by her and I saw her neck all twisted and her face down in the straw. Lennie did it. Crazy bastard. I knew he was the only one, but from inside of my mind it was killing me. I don’t know why that is, I never felt like that before. In the back of my mind, I always knew that he would go too far, that he wasn’t safe and should not been left alone. But I didn’t wanna think like that. Now I had to. I knew that I had to get to Lennie before them. I told Candy to make out I had never seen and tell the others and then take me. I had to go to the bunkhouse and get Carlson’s Luger. People in the ranch were all blaming Lennie. They were all thinking that Lennie did it. Curley was screaming and shouting. He was shoken up and ready to explode. Curley scared me by screaming like that and looking at me like that but I had to keep my cool. I just pretended that I was on their side, out to kill for murder. The word sends a shiver down me and I know I have done it now. Lennie always said to me that we were the same, like we were before. Only Slim knew what I was doing though. He knew me well enough. I sent Curley in the other direction from where I knew Lennie was. He would go to the brush like I told him to. He always tried to do what I told him. I ran off and found him straight away. Lennie hid in the brush by the pool. He was sitting there by the river and he was talking to himself. He kept saying sorry: he knew that I would look after him. He made me tell him about our farm house for what was to be the last time. I mentioned it, and, he heard it. I told him not to look at me. I was trying to be a man but I couldn’t control my eyes and hands. I was shaking too. I talked quietly to him about the little place we would have together, then I shot him with Carlson’s gun. When the other men found me near by Lennie, they all assumed I shot Lennie in self-defence. Only Slim understands what I did and why At that moment the brush has changed. At the beginning it was full of light and at the end it was dark. When I shot Lennie the world seemed to get darker and darker. I’ve never seen brightness since I shot Lennie. My best friend Lennie is dead now. Lennie’s body was lying on one side of the river where the golden foothill slopes up to the strong and rocky Gabilan Mountains. At that moment the place was so lifeless, a little wind was moving among the leaves. At that time the place was so quiet and soulless. We were thinking about Lennie’s burial. Slim, Candy, Crooks and I were thinking Lennie should be buried near by the pool because Lennie loved that place so much. We wanted Lennie buried near the pool he loved, in a quiet serene place. When I was burying Lennie I remembered all the things he used to say to me. His dreams of the rabbits he would tend when he and I got our land. He was only worried about me not letting him ‘tend the rabbits. Lennie liked to pet soft things, like puppies and dead mice. We know this got him into trouble in Weed when he tried to feel a girl’s soft red dress: she thought he was going to attack her. And now I remember all the things he did and he used to say. On Lennie’s gravestone I will write â€Å"To my dear friend and companion 1905-1937†. I promised Lennie’s Aunt Clara that I would care for him. I looked after all Lennie’s affairs, such as carrying his work card, and trying to steer him out of potential trouble. Now I feel completely alone, upset, lonely and lost. I don’t know where to go. Now I think Lennie was everything in my world. It seems to me I miss him a lot. I couldn’t keep Lennie’s promise. I am sorry Lennie. Forgive me if you can. At this time I have decided to think about my future. Lennie has died because of me. The end was dreadful, with the death of Lennie. At least Lennie’s death was painless, and Lennie died imagining the dream. My dream and Candy’s dreams were shattered by the absence of Lennie. Candy has only his own death to look forward to and he has nothing but the life of an old ranch hand to live. At the end of the day, the story has a great sense of irony. For instance, I said that I wanted Lennie out of my life but I am emotionally lost without Lennie. Another thing I can’t forget is when Candy told me that he wished he’d shot his own dog himself. I have taken this information from Candy as advice, and I shot Lennie in to save him from a cruel death. I can’t forget things that Lennie did and used to say. I remember all the things I can’t forget him. When ever I go to the ranch I remember all the things; I just feel like he is talking to me and playing with that stupid puppy. At the moment, I have decided to leave the ranch and go to another place so I can live better. In this ranch I just remember Lennie everywhere. I don’t know what to do. I think I should go to another place and make Lennie’s dream come true. Lennie told me that he wanted to have rabbits in the garden; however, I don’t like it at all. Anyway I have to do this for my dear friend Lennie. I want his dream to come true. Therefore, I will make his dream true. I will go to another place and find some work and make money for Lennie’s dream. I will always keep our dream. I am so sorry Lennie. I hope you will forgive me. If I still believed in God (a part of me that was there but now has gone) I would pray to ask Lennie to forgive me. Lennie you were my only friend, my best friend, and I wish you were still here for me, only me. And I also wish Lennie to be with me for the whole of my life but my wish will not be coming true anymore. Now I feel even guiltier about Lennie nearly drawing when I told him to jump in the Sacramento River. I am really sorry Lennie as at that time I was mentally lost. I didn’t know what to do. I was telling you to jump in the river. I am so sorry about that, I didn’t mean to do that to you. I am so sorry, please forgive me. That time my emotions were co9nfused and I wasn’t in a good mood. I was so angry; I didn’t know what I was saying. Though I knew that you don’t know how to swim I still told you to jump in the river. Now I know how I feel without you. You are the only friend I ever had. You were more like family, not only a friend. I am so sorry Lennie. I don’t feel like Lennie is dead. I feel like he is sitting beside me and talking about the stupid pups. The place is so lifeless. I don’t feel like giving him up. He was the best friend I ever had. Thank you so much Lennie, for being my friend. You are really nice person, I didn’t know that when you were alive. I used to think you were not important but now it seems you are a really important person. I am so sorry Lennie that I couldn’t keep your promise. I am really sorry Lennie. Yours honestly George Milton